Month 2 Reflections

This past month provided the greatest highs and the greatest lows of my adventure so far.  I’ve had many big revelations- my time away in a beautiful secluded location has proved to be a wonderful teacher.  At the time I wrote this, I was curled up in front of a fireplace during a power outage due to gale force winds/rain.  The Fall season decided to start off in a big way.   It was the perfect time to reflect on what I’ve been through this past month.

Emotionally, I was struggling this month.  Instead of being patient with myself and all that I had accomplished, I internalized my mounting frustrations and loneliness.    I had been feeling like I wanted to come back to the US, and I was devastated because I didn’t expect to feel that way.  I was overwhelmed by my health/diet, lack of good friendships, challenges with the children, and too much “me” time, and I couldn’t see how I was going to be able to make it another two months here.  Of course, finally breaking under the pressure led me to talk to the family, and they have been so kind.  I’m shocked by what a significant impact our conversation has already made on my happiness, and as usual, I’m reminded of how important it is for me to be honest with how I’m feeling even when it’s hard to admit.

After my breakthrough (aka breakdown), a huge weight was lifted.  I feared the family would be mad when I talked to them, and instead they reacted with unexpected compassion.  I’m no longer concerned about my next two months here, and I’m happy to be feeling more like myself again.  When I think about what I’ve overcame in this short time, my heightened emotions make perfect sense.  I moved half way around the world away from family/friends/pets, moved into someone else’s house disciplining someone else’s kids and all with little contact with people here. "Being selfish is not selfish"- I'm finally able to fully open up with the family, and things are better for all of us.

Thank you to everyone who offered their support during the past two months, especially my sister who put up with more than her fair share of teary phone calls.  Positive thoughts, calls, and emails are what have carried me through, and I cannot stress enough how lucky and grateful I am to have such an amazing support network at home.  I love you guys!

I feel like I’ve made the tough transition now from the United States to New Zealand, and I’m excited to see what my remaining 10 months will bring.  I plan to enjoy myself- I’m certain there will be challenges, but nothing I can’t overcome!